blood

On the other side, Ninoy is facepalming

10 Possible scenarios that might have caused the red splotch of dried red liquid on a 500 peso bill.
1. A rich guy “suddenly” spilt some ketchup on his date’s dress and refused to take the napkin offered by the waiter.
2. A street child knocks at a tinted car window and a lady with a ridiculously big hair, a shoe collection and a famous dictator for a husband gave him the bill. The child was said to have been shouting “Si Madam Auring! Si Madam Auring!” before being hit by a truck, cut his body across and splattered bits of his brain everywhere.

3. A conductor on a bus sensed a hell huge phlegm coming. He’s out of other options really. The yellowish green with a tinge of crimson gooey stuff drops into a 500-peso bill and slids it back to his pocket. He gently knocked his chest and sighed, “Now that’s better”.

4. An emo dude runs out of something to cut himself and remembers that old Linkin Park song. Yes, I was talking about In The End.

5. The same emo dude took a dump in a public toilet which ran out of tissue paper. No available options but a 500-peso bill inside his dilapidated wallet. When he was about to clean the deed, the sharp pain made him cry out loud “Ah PaperCUT!!”. And then, the sweet realization, “Hey, wait a minute…”.

6. A 500-peso bill on a back pocket. A wooden bench first thought was cushioned. A gigantic boil on his left butt-cheek. SPLAT!

7. A lady, on a date, suddenly realized, upon rummaging through her bag, that she ran out of sanitary napkins. She had a 500 peso bill instead…and a few 10-peso coins. Kaching! kaching!

8. Another girl arrived. Catfight! Catfight! Catfight! Where’s the 500 bill you say? It’s a catfight! Everything’s suppose to be in total mess. Everything.

9. A man working in a pier comes home one evening with a pansit in his hands and found his mother and sister both dead in the living room. It seems that some trigger-happy politician and his goons paid his family a visit and drilled bullet holes into their house and escaped using an owner-type jeep while laughing maniacally. The man would then shout “INAAAYY!!” while the camera pans upward. Oh, and the 500-peso bill. It’s just somewhere among the carnage.

10. Some old lady from Siquijor plotted to give her neighbor a nice monetary gift. And some curse. She probably mixed some lizard sweat, turtle booger, intestine of the 154th fly she sees on that day, and of course, her own blood. She then poured a little portion of the horrifyingly fatal concoction into the bill and said a little chanting. The money must have levitated above her while some black, toxic-looking smoke-ish substance came swirling around it before finally landing innocently into her palms. She then opened her eyes and smiled – teeth-showing – as if it she were about to devour a live chicken. Her red eyes and unbelievably white teeth simultaneously sparkled. She was about to deliver the money one day when it occurred to her that she used it to buy some stuffs for her next experiment. By some random game called fate, the money was now in the hands of someone who was about to receive the curse.

And now if you’ll excuse me. I’m about to transfer the curse to my landlady.

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*This post is from a friend's blog (now inaccessible), re-posted with permission.